So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
