I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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