Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Randomize
