I'm gonna have a badass scar
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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