i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
The beers last night were like the tears from god
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
