She is in my trunk
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
