My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Randomize
