between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Less talking, more tequila
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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