Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
