Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
