Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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