I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
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I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
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his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
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