I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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