Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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