How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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