I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
