Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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