He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
