It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
