that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
