I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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