you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
