She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
