I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
