it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
