you guys were way drunker than both of me
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
two words...techno handjob
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
