A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
