Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
my shit smells like andre
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
