you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
