maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
