plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Randomize
