he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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