if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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