I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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