oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
