it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
