If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
