Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
