Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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