I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
