remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
