She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
