I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
