I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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