I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
