i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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