I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
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