You work out of a Hotel?
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
