New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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