look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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