like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
