My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
