she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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