His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I had to cum in my sink.
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