no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
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She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
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Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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