You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
