dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
