a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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