I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
