Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
