I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
