Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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