where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
