If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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