I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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