It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
