ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
