Jerry, you need to find god
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
