Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Randomize
