i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
