so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
