I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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