D3 body, D1 cock
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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